BS"D
LATEST UPDATE…
Wed., July 9/ Tammuz 6
Lichvod all the chashuv mispallelim for Tinok ben Aviva:
The hour is late, I'm quite exhausted, and sleep is where I thought I was headed just a few moments ago. But then I asked myself how I could let the day pass without sharing the recent wonderful news with the most special mispallelim and holy neshamos to whom I feel so indebted—
With immeasurable hakaras ha'tov to HaKB"H, Tzaddikel's long-awaited bris will, IY"H, take place this coming Tuesday morning, July 15/ Tammuz 12 in Yerushalayim ir ha'kodesh. (Exact details will be forthcoming.) We'd love to see you all there.
Wow… To think I actually just wrote those words, words I've only dreamt about sharing for oh so long…Yes, B'ezras Hashem Yisbarach, Tzaddikel will enter briso shel Avraham Avinu next week and receive a formal kri'as sheim, getting a name that was so clearly divinely ordained. And yet…
And yet, he will always be Tzaddikel. Klal Yisroel's Tzaddikel. (He really has no choice in the matter—he's already got a beautiful Kiddush cup with "Tzaddikel ha'olami" engraved on its surface (a gift from a family friend), as well as several yarmulkas and clothing that all say Tzaddikel on them. Granted the latter two he will grow out of in due time...)
But, most unfortunately, once I have your attention I must also clarify the following: Tzaddikel still has a way to go. B"H he is home now and has his bris coming up shortly. This is more than incredible, miraculous perhaps. But his home is not just the 'normal abnormal' everyday of a newborn. Tzaddikel's room still has a number of machines filling its space; a professional nurse who spends the night in his room; his days are still filled with, sadly, a lot of pain and discomfort, the origins of which the doctors are simply unsure; and physical therapy, speech therapy, baby massage, etc., fill a major part of his (and our) day. Not to mention the endless phone calls and further research the situation demands.
There is a lot the doctors are unsure of. One of the reasons, in fact, why they have allowed Tzaddikel to come home is because they claim there is not much more they can do for him there. They openly admit that Tzaddikel is 100% in the hands of the One Above. They continue labeling him the "enigma," the "mystery child." When one of the top doctors we met in Haddasah Ein Kerem, a not yet religious Sephardi, read carefully through Tzaddikel's detailed file, my wife asked him what he learnt from the story with all its many intricacies and nuances. His response: "Mah ani? Mah anu, mah chayeinu?..." What am I, what are we, what's our life all about…
And he continued: "You know what your son's medical file taught me? That, when all is said and done, we really don't know much of anything at all…"
You know what? He is 100% right. But why does it take a Tzaddikel story to wake us up to this reality? Why don't we live with these thoughts day in and day out, I ask myself, when HaKB"H sends us messages all the time of how little we really know and how much we truly need Him.
So much of what's going on in the world today is way beyond our understanding. So much of what we observe on a daily basis in our own personal lives is far beyond explanation. With all that's been written and all that's been said, do we honestly think we have any sort of real grasp on "Tzaddik vi'ra lo, rasha vi'tov lo?" (Or on the gemara in Moed Katan (28a) contrasting the vastly different lives of two fully righteous Talmudic sages?)
Let's face it: Every day of our lives should be shouting at us those same words of that not yet religious doctor (drawn from the siddur), "Mah anu, mah chayeinu"… We can get lost all too often in the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, trying ever so harder to accomplish, to achieve—what exactly?
If we're growing and striving ever higher in ruchniyus, putting the bulk of our energy and efforts in spiritual pursuits, in Torah, mitzvos, and ma'asim tovim, then at least we have got our priorities straight. But, in the end, we still come back to the same question: Are we living for ourselves or are we living for the Ribbono Shel Olam? Because we're happy with ourselves when we do the Ratzon Hashem, or because doing and living the Ratzon Hashem is exactly what He wants us to be doing. There is one way to make it in life no matter what HaKB"H sends our way, no matter how many nisyonos, or of what level of difficulty, He decides to cast in our direction…
"Hashleich al Hashem yi'havcha vi'hu yichal'ki'lecha" (Tehillim, 55:23). Cast all your needs, your wants- everything- upon G-d, and He will sustain you… Life is quite rough at times, quite inexplicable way more often than we would like it to be. Throw yourself completely into HaKB"H's loving and caring hands, into His warm and all-encompassing embrace. He'll take good care of you.
He always does.
Is there any other way?
If we give of ourselves entirely to HaKB"H, surrendering to Him our wills and drives, wants and needs, while dedicating our lives to emulating His ways, then everything will be just fine. Better than fine. We simply don't need to always understand. We just need to trust Hashem with all we've got, and to know that He's always there, waiting for us to be held in His open and awaiting arms. Just as I held my sweet, adorable Tzaddikel so tightly in my arms on the couch today, lulling him to sleep after some pain and a prolonged cry, so too does our Father in Heaven want to do the same. For each and every one of us. Trust Him fully-- and then jump on board.
All of you chashuv and incredibly special mispallelim have brought about miracles thus far with your koach ha'tefilla, your tremendous mitzvos and ma'asim tovim, and your learning of Torah and accumulation of merits-- all on behalf of Tzaddikel. How could we ever thank you enough? You are individuals who care and cry for others, who give up of your precious time and energy for other members of the Jewish People. You are all incredibly special indeed. And we again humbly ask that, knowing the potency that your heartfelt prayers possess, please continue full speed ahead with that same koach ha'tefilla of the Klal, of so many holy Jews the world over uniting as one, to daven not only for Tzaddikel's refuah bi'karov, but for all of cholei Yisroel, for all of those in need of yeshuos and nechamos.
And why stop there? We're doing this because we care for others, for HaKB"H's dear children, the little tzaddikels in NICUs and PICUs the world over, the soldiers whose families are waiting oh so long for their return, for so many of HaKB"H's beloved children in need of one thing or another…
But let's not stop there either. Let's continue onward to the pain of HaKB"H Himself (kaviyachol). What about His kavod, His glorious honor, and all the horrific chillul Hashem in the world... Daven for the geula- for the Almighty and His honor- at least as much as you daven for others. Daven that HaKB"H restore the full honor and glory to His name and to His throne. May He listen to all the bleeding hearts and fervent cries, and bring an end to all suffering and a full redemption to His beloved Jewish People.
My pillow is really calling now. At this late hour, I just heard a faint cry from my little tzaddik in his crib. The pillow can wait. At least for a quick chapter of Tehillim. For him and for all of cholei Yisroel. And for HaKB"H to please keeping taking such great care of all of us. Thank you HaKB"H so very much—for the upcoming bris, for all of the holy neshamos You sent down to this world who daven so hard and want only good for others, and, most of all, for all of your perennial love, care, and concern, for each and every one of us.
May we join in only simchas and share only besoros tovos constantly.
Best wishes for abundant bracha and hatzlacha in all inyanim, and much hakaras ha'tov for everything,
Eytan Feiner
