LATEST UPDATE…
Thursday, May 29, 2008/ 24 IYAR (OMER 39)
Lichvod all the holy neshamos continuing to daven for the holy Tzaddikel:
Shalom vi'rav bracha, and hoping that all is well with you and yours. Our overwhelming and sincere hakaras ha'tov we extend to you, yet again, for all of your persistent thoughts, special brachos, and heartfelt tefillos on behalf of the adorable Tinok ben Aviva. Unfortunately, Klal Yisroel's Tzaddikel has been having a bit of a rough time recently. Over the last two weeks, he had been experiencing acute and intense pains for much of his waking hours, due most likely to a severe case of reflux, also exacerbating his already difficult breathing issues. De-saturations and apneas were becoming way too frequent. So we discussed things thoroughly with additional doctors from the outside, and were even taking the steps towards a possible medical transfer to the States. With the risk perhaps too great for such a transport at the present time, the issue then turned to possibly moving him to Haddasah Ein Kerem for more aggressive care and treatment.
And just then HaKB"H decided to resolve all the vacillation. No need for further debate. Tzaddikel came down with pneumonia two days ago and was taken by ambulance to the PICU, the pediatric intensive care unit at Haddasah Ein Kerem. With his breathing in quite a difficult state, terribly high fever, and an extremely fast heart-rate (don't ask…things were pretty scary), he was immediately sedated and attached to a respirator—something he hasn't needed since the first few weeks of his life. But with rachamei Shamayim right from the outset, Tzaddikel was soon stabilized and, though still attached to the respirator, is now also breathing partly on his own. The pneumonia is still there, but gradually dissipating according to the latest x-rays.
I've lost count how many different machines and IVs Tzaddikel is currently hooked up to, but the important thing is that he is in the right place- exactly where he is supposed to be right now, precisely where HaKB"H wants him, and us, to be- and is under good care, being carefully observed by an excellent staff. But most important: HaKB"H is watching him ever so closely and we just keep telling ourselves, "Ein od milvado"… There is, quite simply, none other than HaKB"H Himself who is seeing this whole thing through each and every step of the way, bringing about tremendous tikkunim, zechuyos, and unbelievable amounts of tefillos benefiting Tzaddikel, cholei Yisroel, and all others in need of yeshuos and nechamos. HaKB"H, of course, knows exactly what He's doing, and has His little cute and beloved Tzaddikel under his constant hashgacha. And, believe it or not, even with all the wires and IVs (two of them are even attached to his head…ouch), my wife keeps saying that Tzaddikel still looks irresistibly cute… And I most certainly agree. Rachamei Shamayim, with such an unfathomable and ever meticulous cheshbon, every step of the way…
Is it incredibly tough seeing him like this, heavily sedated so he doesn't rip out his respirator attachment, wires all over the place, and minimal movement? And after four and a half months of an overall, albeit slow but gradual, progress? You bet. We can't even hold him very much at all these days, and thus far his eyes have only rarely opened. But we sincerely trust that all will be truly good, and all will work out for the best. It always does.
The renowned Chazon Ish would often say that the greatest—yes, indeed, the greatest—simcha one could experience in this world is the complete 'hisbatlus' to the Borei Olam: the all encompassing 'bitul atzmi,' total subjugation of self and utter subservience to Hashem's will. Knowing full well that we are completely His and are 100% in His hands only. Am I anywhere close to that madreiga? Certainly not. Very far from it. But I do thank HaKB"H that He has graciously- though I naturally would've opted for a very different route- provided us with a situation wherein all the doctors are still in continuous agreement that Tzaddikel is a full-fledged medical mystery, confounding them almost every step of the way. (Hence, they wish to start all over with myriad tests, blood work, and a team of top doctors in various fields.) What a unique opportunity HaKB"H has given us to at least taste, ever so slightly, what it means to truly feel completely in His infinitely loving and caring Hands. There is absolutely no one or nothing to turn to but HaKB"H. We are, as always, entirely His. And it's truly an incredible feeling.
Chasdei Hashem Yisbarach. It's not easy standing uncomfortably with a Tehillim in hand having to see one's dear and beloved child in such a difficult state. But HaKB"H is right there with us. Holy kids, delicate and precious neshamos, in this PICU—the Shechina is almost tangible. And so we're back now, four and a half months later (and with a few stops along the way), to the very same hospital where my dear wife gave birth to this munchkin of a Tzaddikel. I'll never forget that way too brief minute when I held this cute little guy with big warm eyes and an intense gaze tightly in my arms for the very first time. After waiting over twelve years for such a moment. It was a long-awaited and oh so special matanah, a precious gift from Above—and one for which I will forever be grateful. IY"H, HaKB"H will give us many more of those moments, with a fully hale and healthy Tzaddikel trying to squirm his way out of my arms to continue playing outside when Ima is calling him for dinner. Or, better yet, when he is learning Torah with utmost diligence, and has forgotten all about the mundane things like dinner…can't wait.
How to ever thank all of you? I can't even begin. Won't even try. But please continue to do your utmost to daven your hearts out for this precious neshama in need of more rachamei Shamayim—bi'soch sha'ar cholei Yisroel—so that we can write only about simchas and besoros tovos. And soon bring him into 'briso shel Avraham Avinu.' He's indeed Klal Yisroel's baby, this Tzaddikel of yours—and yes, we'll certainly let you hold him too.
Allow me to close with a few words penned by a sibling of mine, words that touched my heart and I'm sure will touch yours as well:
A Plea from Tinok Ben Aviva ("Tzaddikel")
Dear Acheinu B'nei Yisroel:
Though I love being called "tzaddikel" I still yearn for a real Jewish name…
Though I am thankful for my oxygen tank, I want to breathe Hashem's air…
Though I am in a caring surrounding, I wish I could be home with my parents…
Though I have learned to smile and cry, I must learn to how to better swallow…
Though I had a beautiful shalom zachor, I anxiously await my bris…
With all of your tefilos, I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go…
So, please, please, please, daven…
Daven together as Klal Yisroel – for all of cholei Yisroel…
While B"H I am doing a little better, other are not…
As a united tzibbur, davening for one another, Hashem listens and Hashem answers…
He is our Father, and we are his children…
And I know from my parents how much a parent wants and needs to see his child properly grow as part of Klal Yisroel…
Much thanks again, on behalf of my wife and myself, for all of your admirable and continuous efforts for Tzaddikel's speedy and full recovery. Looking forward to henceforth sharing only great news—regarding all the holy neshamos of Klal Yisroel—and to maximizing together these remaining few days before the auspicious Z'man Matan Toraseinu. Ki'ish echad bi'lev echad.
Wishing you, mei'omek ha'lev, only Kol Tuv always and much hatzlacha in all areas of life,
Eytan Feiner
