Sun. morning, Nissan 8/April 13
Lichvod all the chashuv mispallelim on behalf of Tinok ben Aviva:
Shalom U'vracha, A Gut Voch, and hoping all is well with all of you—and, of course, with all your Pesach preparations. My apologies for the lengthy hiatus since the previous update but, as you can imagine, things have been extremely hectic these last few weeks. In short, indeed it's been a roller coaster journey with several ups and downs, quite a scary breathing incident two weeks ago, and then B"H a few steps forward…
Naturally, with our son still in the hospital, we had to recently cancel our Pesach plans of joining the Gateways program in Connecticut for Pesach again this year. For those of you who will be there, we will certainly miss you. (Where exactly we will be spending Pesach is still up in the air.) After three months in the NICU at Haddasah Har HaTzofim, we are currently in the process of trying to move Tzaddikel to Alyn, a rehabilitative center in Bayit Vagan, where he can receive far more attention in expediting his swallow and suck reflexes and improving his muscle tone. They devise a thorough program entailing various therapies that would, IY"H, benefit him and help move him in the right direction. In order to get him there, however, and due to recent breathing difficulties, this morning he had to undergo a minor surgery and is currently recovering from the general anesthesia. Allow me to just add that the last two incidents (one a cause for very real concern), were both cases in which, once again, the doctors had no idea what caused them, what precisely they entailed, and how he recovered from them relatively soon afterward B"H. They performed x-rays, ultrasounds, EEG's, blood tests, etc., and were unable to come up with any real explanation… As they like to say, this child just continues to be one big medical mystery… (Parenthetically, our son's mohel, who is also a chashuv Rav and posek, is waiting for more stability in Tzaddikel's breathing before deciding to perform the bris.)
But this is not why I have decided to write this morning. In truth, I did not sit down now- and with a lot on my schedule today- to talk at length about Tzaddikel. Just before heading to the hospital for this morning's surgery, we were notified of the incredibly tragic news of the untimely petiros of the Rabbi and Rebbetzin of the Y. I. of Scarsdale, the parents of one of my wife's former students. No need to go into details-- a tragedy way beyond description… I must tell you that my wife and I simply could not stop thinking about the horrific news- even throughout our son's surgery and the accompanying Tehillim- and that is what has compelled me to just share some feelings with you, feelings that are likely bandying about your hearts and minds as well. Let me just preface that the following is not for a speech, a schmooze, etc.—just a few simple words from the depths of a simple heart being addressed to its owner, along with any others interested in lending an ear…
It is upon hearing of such news that we must constantly do our utmost to be "no'sei bi'ol im chaveiro," of trying to sincerely and wholeheartedly feel another's pain-- no matter the circumstances. To REALLY feel and to REALLY react. It's definitely an avodah. But Klal Yisroel is an unbelievable Klal endowed with tremendous kochos to care for another like caring for oneself- mamash. We must do our very best in that regard, while also taking out the time, significant time, from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, to make real changes (however small), to constantly grow (growth can only come through change) in our Yiddishkeit, and to cherish every single waking moment of our precious, all too short lives. In just our three months in the NICU, three babies in our ward have already sadly passed away (one Jewish, two Arab), with another Jewish baby, that of a couple whom we have befriended, in a very precarious situation. It is not an easy thing to witness, not an easy place to be in so many hours of the day…
But HaKB"H has His cheshbonos, and we must believe, bi'kol ha'lev, that in Hashem's masterplan, in the much larger scheme of things, it is all li'tov. Kulo li'tov. Period. And in a nutshell: Ein od milvado. Ein od milvado. Never let a Shemonei Esrei go by without ingraining within oneself that timeless truth. Say it over constantly throughout the day and try your utmost to really live it, to breathe it. Cherish everything you've been given. Don't take anything for granted. Know that HaKB"H loves each and every one of us more than we could ever fathom. Love Him back with all you've got and love every sweet drop of His precious and infinite Torah. And be makir tov continuously for that limitless ahavah and unparalleled chessed. And continue davening and wishing ONLY good for ALL others. Help get rid of all the ridiculous amounts of ayin hara out there and help others to the best of your ability.
Yes, I know, no chiddushim here. Just the obvious—but this morning it really hurts and I felt that I just had to share. The horrific tragedies and subsequent tears in our Klal keep flowing unabated, and we've all got to really keep doing our best to bring an end to it all and help foster the geula bi'karov. This tekufa of miracles began as we witnessed the unimaginable tragedy at Mercaz Harav. Let's never forget those holy neshamos and precious b'nei Torah, and let's keep davening for only yeshuos and nechamos for each and every yid, and the ribui ki'vod shamayim that only the miraculous geula ha'asida will bring about…
Much thanks for your time, and of course for all of your incredible continued special tefillos for Tinok ben Aviva bas Chana bi'soch sha'ar cholei Yisroel. Wishing you all an uplifting, meaningful, and enjoyable Pesach. May we only share besoros tovos tamid.
Chag Kasher Vi'sameach and only Kol Tuv always,
Eytan Feiner
